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You’re going to find advice throughout this site about meeting people, asking for help, forgiving yourself, setting boundaries, taking breaks, dealing with money, learning new technology, and doing things that scare you. I should probably tell you now: I am not particularly brilliant at all of these things myself. Some of them I am actively terrible at.

I have social anxiety, so when I suggest meeting people, joining a group, or trying something new, I am not saying that from the perspective of someone who happily walks into a room full of strangers and introduces herself to everyone. I don’t. Sometimes “meeting people” for me needs to mean texting one person. Sometimes “joining a group” needs to mean starting online. Sometimes I know something would probably be good for me and still decide I would much rather stay home.

I can tell you not to beat yourself up over your past while still being perfectly capable of doing exactly that to myself. I can tell you to take breaks and then sit at my computer for six hours straight.

So please do not read Life After the Before as advice coming from someone who has figured out how to rebuild a life. I haven’t. I’m rebuilding too. Sometimes I’m sharing something I’ve learned. Sometimes I’m sharing something I’m trying to practice myself.

Start where you actually are.